Did You Hear That?

Did You Hear That?

A few posts ago (can you believe we can sentences that like that? “A few posts ago”?? Oh, well.) I started to write about becoming a good speaker and then, well, I sort of got off on a tangent with the economy. Okay, I’m back with some words about honing your speaking skills. But I might surprise you by not talking a lot about what comes out of your mouth as a speaker. Instead I want to turn the topic on its head a little (a favorite pastime) and see what we can learn if we look at it from another perspective.
    One of the reasons good speaker s are so successful whether they’re presenting in the conference room around a table of ten colleagues or before a group of 200 or more is that they know what their audiences want and need to hear. Why is that? Probably because they’re also really good listeners. Often, we praise those co-workers who can lend an ear, because they seem so empathic and understanding. And they might very well be, but something else is going on, something fairly obvious sometimes. They’re listening. They’re taking in deep breaths, nodding their heads at the right times and shaking them, too, to demonstrate a real esprit de corps as if they’ve been in your shoes a hundred times before.
    So why are some people so good at this while others can’t wait to have not only the last word but the first, second, third and so on? According to some, the fact that people in the workplace don’t listen is one of the most common complaints about workers and their supervisors. What’s really interesting is that a lot of bad listeners are often surprised to learn about this very basic deficit. The reasons people don’t listen can range from tangible signs like texting messages or catching a few zzzzzz’s to more subtle behaviors that really occur inside our minds like when we say to ourselves, “Listen to this guy. What a bore” or “What am I going to make for dinner tonight?” or “I wish I could be anywhere than here.” Sad, isn’t it?
    And by the way, even people who are normally good listeners can learn a thing or two about maintaining this important skill. Sometimes we forget that our own distractions can derail our reputations as good listeners. So even if you’ve never heard from others that you aren’t a good listener, hopefully you’ll pick up a tip or two here.
    First, you need to be fully present. What does that mean? That means really focusing on the person doing the talking. Maintaining eye contact is key. Instructing yourself to put other thoughts and worries aside for the time being is important as well. One of the greatest compliments you can receive is when someone says, “When I talk to Suzy I feel like I’m the only person in the room. She’s such a good listener.”
    I like what author Karen Otazo says about listening in her book The Truth About Managing Your Career. She writes, “It may help to think of yourself as a radio dial, tuning yourself to the other person’s station so that you hear him or her clearly and without interference. If you tune in like this, and display the signs of doing so, to whoever is addressing you, others will appreciate that you are making the effort to understand them.”
    Another strategy, quite obvious but often overlooked, is to consider the kind of listener you would want sitting before you if you had an important story to tell.